@SardonicTart: Just vacuumed my couch and found 16 bobby pins, 84 cents, 3 kinds of cereal, a spoon and a live hedgehog.
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@Smooheed: *tries to flirt* *twirls hair in fingers* *fingers get caught in giant knot* *learns to live using only one arm*
@Home_Halfway: Kidnapping is a dumb crime because you're literally forcing yourself to hang out with someone
@fixyourcompass: Having Justin Bieber sing at your funeral so your death will be the second worst thing happening to your friends that day.
@AnkCoupleTO: Joining Twitter instead of the circus was a pretty good move considering I'm a freak but not that talented