@SardonicTart: Just vacuumed my couch and found 16 bobby pins, 84 cents, 3 kinds of cereal, a spoon and a live hedgehog.
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@man_spach: My Ebola outbreak brings the CDC to the yard and they're like, sir that's just irritable bowel syndrome.
@tarashoe: birds can make their homes in tall treetops and soar at great heights and pigeons are like no thank you i will commute by foot to home depot
@TheRealNickKay: [MURDER TRIAL] JUDGE: So in 27 years of marriage, you never knew your wife was allergic to salt? MR.SLUG:[Into mic] That's correct.