@SardonicTart: Just vacuumed my couch and found 16 bobby pins, 84 cents, 3 kinds of cereal, a spoon and a live hedgehog.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@sofarrsogud: ME: This is false advertising. I've been here an hour and nobody has even touched me. So lonely. COP: Again, not what a holding cell is for
@BrettDruck: Her: I'm so wet Him: I'm so hard Eavesdropping alien: These people are bad at describing themselves.
@imadepoopstoday: Your water broke? Do I look like an idiot? You can't "break" water...get back to work.