@SardonicTart: Just vacuumed my couch and found 16 bobby pins, 84 cents, 3 kinds of cereal, a spoon and a live hedgehog.
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@SteussieErica: Parenting: 1st kid: Document their every move 2nd kid: forget to pick them up 99% of the time
@stuckinaportal: *leans over sink* *splashes face w cold water* *stares at self in mirror* *returns to couch where my niece is playing mario kart* best of 3
@envydatropic: Whenever someone calls me, instead of texting, I just assume they've had a horrific accident and have lost the use of their fingers & thumbs
@donofalltrades1: If you named your kid Hunter because you like to hunt, then I hate you. Who names a kid after an activity?. *Storms off w/ his son, Kegger