@mochanya: Just watched a commercial...How is it possible that the side effect for asthma medication is shortness of breath?
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@comer310: Hey gurl, were you taped to the inside of a birthday card from my grandmother? Cause you're a dime.
@david8hughes: [interviewing for job as assassin] Me: I only have 1 rule Interviewer: lemme guess. No women or kids Me: huh? No, I just won't work weekends
@BlindChow: *man choking* Is there a doc in the house? *Dr Pepper rises* *searches man's pockets* Hey ur no doctor! *moustache falls off* *it's Mr Pibb*
@LuvPug: My son- Can I have ice cream? Me- No, it's breakfast Him-The dog just pooped in the living room Me-Clean it up & you can have some ice cream