@mochanya: Just watched a commercial...How is it possible that the side effect for asthma medication is shortness of breath?
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@Sickayduh: "Ma'am, you had twins. They are fine and your boyfriend Chad named them" - Oh no "This is Debra" - aww I like that "And this is Depanties"
@iYoungKhalifa: If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, There would be world peace for at least two hours. Followed by a global food shortage..
@LeBearGirdle: Jesus: one of you will betray me tonight *checks phone* Jesus: WHO IN DAD'S NAME UNFOLLOWED ME?!" *judas slyly slips phone back in robe*
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: Why do you do chores if you don't like to? Me: The same reason you eat your vegetables. 5: Because Mom is scary? Bingo.