@tpurvis06: Just watched a dog chase its tail for 10 min., thought "damn so easily entertained" then realized I watched a dog chase his tail for 10 min.
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@Sarcasticsapien: Me: How are you? Coworker: I can't complain. Me: *sticks finger in his coffee* Coworker: I just paid for that! Me: I knew you were lying.
@eggnook: Wife: What are you gonna do today? Me: Shower. W: ...what else? M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.
@the_hawlk: SECURITY GUARD: "Sir, I have to check all backpacks" ME: "ok" *opens backpack* *its full of hundreds of tiny backpacks*