@Home_Halfway: Just watched a guy cut up his burrito into dozens of little pieces. I wonder how many people he's murdered.
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@Lord_Voldemort7: Who names hurricanes? Are people actually supposed to be intimidated by something named Sandy?
@cheeky__gal: It's not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [pretends my phone rings while on date] i gotta take this. hello? oh hi [watches date for reaction]... the teenage mutant ninja turtles
@sofarrsogud: ME: Cauliflower is bullshit. EXECUTIONER: Those are really gonna be your last words?
@MeReflectingMe: Dogs are the most loyal, protective creatures on the planet unless someone near you has food and then lol you're on your own.
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