@Aspersioncast: Your secrets are safe with me, I wasn't even listening to you.

@TheRealRHB: Debit card was repeatedly declined at the grocery store today. I was trying to buy vegetables so the bank just assumed the card was stolen

@ValeeGrrl: My daughter spelled America "Merica" on a book report so now I'm searching her room for Trump campaign propaganda.

@Rollinintheseat: "Update Adobe or we'll kill you"-flash mob

@squirrel74wkgn: I'm not sure who's more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.