@dshack8: "I really have no idea how to pronounce my name but I won't admit it." Guys named Geoff.

@whosnutstoo: Your heart beats faster, your knees go weak, you start to sweat. Is this love? No you're probably hypoglycemic

@Brampersandon_: [texting gf] February 13th "I think we should spend some time apart" February 15th "Ok that was enough time"

@gwatts77: I accidentally got my blow up doll pregnant. Related: I've got some balloons for sale.

@donni: Finally, you get a cab. The driver is a golden retriever. You hop in and hope for the best