@KatieBurnett: Blind dates are the best because they can't see me stealing all of the food from their plate

@Douchekevin: A cash bar on parent / teacher interview nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.

@Eagle_Vision: Yes, Pitbull, we are having a good time. Please stop asking every two minutes.

@dshack8: I'm weird but not "sit around the house with my shirt tucked in even though I've got no plans to leave" weird. That stuff's 4 serial killers.

@Mostly_Cheese: *arrives in Las Vegas for first time at age 36* Me: (in taxi on the Strip) Oh hell yes there’s a Walgreens AND a CVS next to my hotel.