@Jarhead44: Just watched a mosquito suck my blood then throw up.
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@AndrewNadeau0: HISTORIAN: So the important thing to remember is Ted Bundy was a horrific serial killer. PRODUCER: Right. Also incredibly hot. HISTORIAN: Really, just, try to focus on how he was a homicidal monster. PRODUCER: Yeah, total smoke show, we’re on the same page.
@iamburtjarvis: [starbucks] me: can i take some wifi home with me? barista: um. sure(?) me: [holds tupperware container in the air & closes lid] thanks.
@LostFelicia: Him: You're on a diet. Why buy all this candy? Me: Because the alternative is called stealing.