@Jarhead44: Just watched a mosquito suck my blood then throw up.
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@boring_as_heck: Shit. Damn it. A bumper sticker just changed my entire worldview, again. This happens like 3 times a day.
@HollyMemphis: Praying mantis walks up to his buddies with no head, "Guess who got laid last night?"
@Mr_Kapowski: 8: I'm scared of monsters under my bed Me: You should really be scared of spiders that will lay eggs in your ear 8: MOM! Wife: ZACK!