@bea_ker: Just went for a piss while still wearing my microphone and the whole conference heard me call the urinal a "thirsty boy"
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@drayzze: 16: "What was the internet like in the old days?" Me: *opens door* *pushes 16 outside* *locks door*
@LuckoftheDraw86: Me: hey what's this weird lump? WebMD: could be cancer. Me: it's a raisin stuck to my elbow... WebMD: you have two weeks.
@tdwyer618: The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
@MavenofHonor: When I use my grandmother's cast iron skillet I feel close to her. Even though she's way, way up there repairing the space station