@bea_ker: Just went for a piss while still wearing my microphone and the whole conference heard me call the urinal a "thirsty boy"
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@QwertyJones3: Fun prank: Super glue a baby to the floor and see how many people try to pick it up as they walk by
@Shade510: Actually resolved an argument between my wife and my 16 year-old daughter. Now being deployed to the Middle East to broker peace.
@headway10: Overheard in a restaurant. Grandma: "Oh, I could really go for a Quickie right about now!" Grandpa: "It's pronounced a Quiche, dear!"
@iamhorcrux: Grading system for students in India: A - Average B - Below average C - Can't have dinner D - Don't come home F - Find a new family