@FinallyHeSleeps: Just went into a women's restroom and lifted all the toilet seats.
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@WilliamAder: Arrogant Co-Worker: Do you have any idea how many years of education I have? Me: Don't feel bad, I got held back a couple of times myself.
@Reverend_Scott: [Adam and Eve in bed] Adam, am I really the only girl for you? GOD EVE, YOU'RE LITERALLY THE ONLY GIRL ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH
@Ideal_Victoria: I only have sex with the lights off to prevent having to explain some of my tattoos.