@BoucheDag2k: Just went to the mens room & came out to an empty office. Either the building is on fire or there is cake in the break room. Win/win
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@aka_fatman: Hamburgler: Success! Look at this amazing haul of these McDonald's burgers! Hamburgler's Mum: *sobbing* Your brother is an architect.
@SondraDeeMe: You can tell a lot about my BF by the way he's giving me the silent treatment. He's doing it wrong. I'm doing it right but can't tell him.
@chuuew: SUPERVILLAIN: [thrusting kryptonite into my side] ME: How did you discover my weakness? [gasping for air] I... hate... being... stabbed...
@illuminatedwndr: AA MEETING Chairman: Please, introduce yourself Eminem: Hi! My name is.. C: What? E: My name is.. C: Who? E: Hi! My name is.. C: Huh?