@lawyerthoughts: Just when I think I'm 100% against the death penalty, I see a bright yellow hummer taking up two parking spots.
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@JohnLyonTweets: No horror movie will ever be as scary as the sight of the water going up instead of down when I flush the toilet.
@usedwigs: The hardest part of the day after running a marathon is finding ways to work it into every single conversation you have.
@NewDadNotes: [NASA March 1970] Me: 13’s unlucky. What if something bad happens? NASA: dude why would you say that out loud!?! [NASA April 1970] [everyone in the Apollo 13 Mission Control slowly turns to look at me]