@lawyerthoughts: Just when I think I'm 100% against the death penalty, I see a bright yellow hummer taking up two parking spots.
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@david8hughes: [inventing trees] Angel: what purpose do they serve? God: cats climb em Angel: can they climb back down? God [inventing the fire dept]: nope
@themiltron: [working at Bed Bath & Beyond] ME: Hi there, may I help you? What are you looking for? CUSTOMER: Shower head. ME: Sir, please, we just met.
@TwistedEmbrace: I get 9" in bed every night. That's how much mattress is left for me once the dogs get comfortable.