@CranalBeads: just when my neighbors think they know me, I sprint across their yard pushing a wheelbarrow full of hair
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@OohSnapItsChris: My financial advisor told me that I could catch up on my bills if I stopped buying so much pizza. We laughed and laughed. Then I fired him.
@samalmightysam: My girlfriend told me she loved me and wanted to marry me so I shot her in self defense.
@radtoria: if you tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry they will clean it for free
@TweetsByTheTony: The Lion King is probably my favorite children's movie about running away from your problems until you're strong enough to kill your uncle.