@heidi420x: Just yelled "out of my way monsters!" at a flock of seagulls, so I'm done interacting socially for the day
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@dannylonglegs99: "Bro, rumor has it ur dads emo now" "Emo? Nah yo, EMU" "Im confused.." *A massive bird moonwalks in w/ a #1 Dad shirt* "Hi confused, Im Dad"
@david8hughes: [planning a heist] Robber 1: this will be the biggest hoist of all time Robber 2: wait are you saying hoist or heist? Robber 1: hoist Robber 2: ... Robber 1: it's just how I pronounce it Robber 2: so you know this is a heist Robber 1: DUDE MY NAME IS ROBBER 1 I KNOW WHAT WE DO
@StevieKnip: [accidentally hits Siri in high school classroom] Siri: what can I do for you, #1 God of Sex? [every boy in the class checks their phone]