@heidi420x: Just yelled "out of my way monsters!" at a flock of seagulls, so I'm done interacting socially for the day
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@Donnie_Fairburn: Just installed the iOS 9 update and I've already noticed a significant increase in my phone's battery life! This is aweso
@RandomlyMJ: My exes new girlfriend has been calling me looking for him for days. It got old. I gave in and sent her the map and shovel.
@actualAidenn: my parents: how come you never socialize with the family? me: *sits with family* me: *gets insulted by entire family*
@UncleDuke1969: Me: I haven’t tweeted in days. Wife: Oh no! Hold on… *opens laptop *types Wife: Phew! Me: What? Wife: Looks like the Internet survived.