@DevinSiebold: Justin Bieber breaks up with Selena Gomez... the same week Black Ops 2 comes out? Good call Justin.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Him: This house is perfect for us! Her: What about the kids? Him: You're right. We'll have to put them up for adoption
@SkunkFarts: The American flag should be a picture of a cheeseburger watching TV on a couch made of fries.
@iwearaonesie: mom: Why are your eyes red? Are you high!? [flashback to me cry-singing Taylor Swift's "Love Story" in the car on the way over] me: Yes
@ceejoyner: Babies have little hands and odd sleep schedules which is why my gym for buff infants has miniature equipment and stays open 24hrs.