@TheFakeCNN: Justin Bieber only pretends to retire on Twitter, worst Christmas ever.
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@PaperWash: [Oreo meeting] What about 'sextuple stuffed' "That's just inappropriate Jeff you're fired" [later googling Sextuple] "Omg that's genius"
@xLiserx: Dog Park Kid: What's his name? Me: Dorito. He's a therapy taco. Don't pet him. Kid:*Throws Ball* Taco:*Chases it. Lettuce flies everywhere*
@SortaBad: Waterskiing is fun. I wish there were more sports where machines just dragged you around