@CountOnVic: Kanye deleted all the slander like we didn't have an hour to grab screenshots and make power point presentations
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@DoucheMcBaggus: When my son gets uppity, I like to remind him that I'm totally nailing his mom.
@tchrquotes: When she said "I think we got way too much pizza." I knew I Finally had my chance to shine, to be the hero.
@matt_simpson84: Relationship status: went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
@robdelaney: If you pitch a non-superhero, non-remake, non-sequel film in Hollywood they send your family to a work camp.