@MikalBershawn: *Kanye trips and falls* SUCH A GENIUS! WHAT A POETIC DEMONSTRATION OF HOW HIS ANCESTORS FELL TO SLAVERY AND ROSE AGAIN *jaden smith cries*
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@ashmensch: *writes on wall in ketchup* THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED Boss: What the hell are you doing? Me: Somebody ate my corndogs.
@nopoweradeinusa: parties in 2004: I hope I don't get drunk and tell mindy I like her parties in 2017: I hope this beer company doesn't support genocide
@SamGirlSunday: If Kim Kardashian & Snooki were drowning & I could only save one, I'd have a hard time deciding whether to make a sandwich or take a nap.