@seanyeatts: Kanye West at the Sistine Chapel, amazed that it was painted by a Ninja Turtle.
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@FatherWithTwins: 4yo: *shoots me with gun* *stuffs gun in my pocket* *runs away* Me: *Realizes he just made it look like a suicide* *keeping an eye on him*
@cbdoubleu: Not to brag, but I have the high score on 7 different blood pressure machines around the city. *enters initials