@seanyeatts: Kanye West at the Sistine Chapel, amazed that it was painted by a Ninja Turtle.
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@kimlockhartga: Opened the back door and a tiny lizard fell from the sky. It's either a sign, or the smallest plague ever.
@rudy_mustang: Cop: what the hell are you doing Me: just holding this old lady’s hand while i cross the street sir Cop: wh- where’s the rest of her
@kornelski: Intel's responses are magic: - There's a design flaw in Intel CPUs. - Intel: no, they work as designed. - It allows stealing of passwords. - Intel: no, it doesn't corrupt data. - There are three bugs. - Intel: we've fixed both.
@awkwardphilippe: [Pizza falls on the ground] Hold HOLD! -Germ boss telling his minions not to jump on the pizza until it's been a full five seconds.