@BuckyIsotope: Kanye West builds a time machine so he can interrupt himself interrupting Taylor Swift.
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@jazmasta: if ur date declines a kiss at the end of the night open ur mouth and let the ants escape. Then say "it's ok I had a mouthful of ants anyway"
@Gooooats: Me: you're going to bed in 5 minutes. Toddler: No. Twenty minutes! Me: Ok. *puts him to bed in 2 minutes because he has no concept of time*
@StcyBnsn: You know what bothers me? When people assume you're homeless cause you're asleep on the street and your pants are gone..