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@AllanCresswell: Kanye West can't wait to be the best man at his wedding.
@WheelTod: My boss has a rather shrill phone voice. I once spent 20m talking to him, before realizing it was actually someone trying to send us a fax.
@TheGladStork: Computer: Do you trust this device?
Me: Why? Is there something you're not telling me?
@neiltyson: Always wanted to call people who don’t like astronomy “Galactos Intolerant"
@meganamram: Our scariest president was probably Rushmore, because he had four heads
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: I call bullshit, airport baby changing station! I wanted an Asian baby but I'm stuck with the white kid I flew in with.