@anjeanettec: Kanye West said being a rapper is like being a soldier or a cop but hey at least he didn't compare himself to Jesus. Oh wait.
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@Jamie1947: [tv ad] Hey folks, this is Don Key! Come on down to Key's Automotive for.. uh- [camera still rolling] holy shit .. donkey. my name is donkey
@ValeeGrrl: Other parents do back-to-school pics of kids holding signs w/ their grade on it & mine are just a series of selfies w/ me & the bus driver.
@unravelingfire: People say I'm not very responsible, when in fact I'm responsible for "pajama casual" being added to the employee handbook as inappropriate.