@JennyJohnsonHi5: Kanye West says he's the Michael Jordan of music. If he's talking about the time when Michael Jordan was playing baseball, I totally agree.
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@OhHiAlyPie: Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT
@thisgirlstace: I really hate it when people stereotype the Irish. When I finish my Guinness, I'm punching you all in the face.
@NicestHippo: Ever since childhood I've identified as a hippo. While other kids were playing, I savagely mauled villagers. #TransSpecies
@MarkAgee: I feel like Donald Trump and Bill Clinton have a $1 bet that Trump can make Hillary president and Bill can make her not president.