@longwall26: Karate Kid (1984) Two grown adults enlist minors to fight a martial arts proxy war.
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@mjkspeaks: [job interview] How did you lose your last job? "I quit because I wanted a career with a bright future." Sir, this is McDonald's.
@_BurnsWhenIPee: Periods are stupid. Why am I being punished for not being pregnant? Shouldn't confetti be falling from my uterus?
@davidbfunny: Dear waiter, You messed up my order because you didn't write it down. I employed your strategy while calculating the tip. Love, David
@Mr_Kapowski: My 8 y/o memorized my 12 character password that has upper and lowercase letters, numbers and symbols but can't remember to flush the toilet