@shopkins776: Karma Chameleon is my favorite song about lizards getting what's coming to them
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@bourgeoisalien: I threw my cat a surprise party. Long story short, I need 30 stitches and learned I should never scream 'SURPRISE' directly in my cat's face
@SuperJuanderer: If a spider attacks you, you should play dead. No, wait... that's for a bear. If a spider attacks a bear, you should play dead.
@AlexvanBeek: Imagine how much more useful Superman would've been if he'd helped people move their heavy furniture instead.
@animaldrumss: No, actually I hate gambling, that's why the dice on my shirt are on fire. If I see someone start to gamble I'll burn up his gambling dice.