@shopkins776: Karma Chameleon is my favorite song about lizards getting what's coming to them
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@haleysfalling: accidentally added a "z" to the end of the word "think" in a text and suddenly my jeans are sagging below my ass and i have 3 chains on
@DanMentos: ok guys the gofundme I set up to hire a hitman to kill me is already at 3x its goal you can stop contributing
@slyoung5: A smile every mile will get you further faster but if that doesn't work, carjacking does.
@Shelts99: All women want to be swept off their feet, until you push them into the sea. Dating is hard!