@Jandalize: Karma is my daughter bragging about getting to sleep late this week and forgetting to turn off her alarm.
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@InternetHippo: Me (bumping into someone): Oh no, I’m sorry. Sorry. So very sorry Talent scout for brand’s social media job: Young man, what’s your name
@timdonakowski: Don't eat yellow snow. Red snow, on the other hand, is debatable. Could be horrible, could be cherry.
@OzCricketFan81: Special shout out to the CIA, who were pouring cold water on people BEFORE the "ice bucket challenge" made it cool
@truegritrumble: (Spelling Bee) JUDGE: Your word is catastrophe. ME: Y. O. U. R. F. A. C. E. *all the mics in the room simultaneously drop to the floor*