@FattMernandez: Katy Perry is such an inspiration to all those young girls out there who want to grow up and ride giant golden tigers.
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@Sarcasticsapien: I'm throwing a party and it should be fantastic. I bought three bottles of vodka, made a great music playlist, and didn't invite any people.
@VancityReynolds: People in LA are deathly afraid of gluten. I swear to god, you could rob a liquor store in this city with a bagel.
@Brampersandon_: [Me]: *slams fork & knife down on table* Not cool, babe. [Wife]: You didn't honestly think there'd be weed in your pot pie, did you?
@Bluestmoon_: When someone shows you they don't want to be a part of your life, let them go. I'm not saying you can't make a voodoo doll of them, though.