@13spencer: Katy Perry says that god spoke to her before the Super Bowl and said “you got this,” so it’s safe to say that god has crappy taste in music.
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@Julian_Deane: Double whammy. First date is turning out to be fun & I also go to meet my hero Chris Hansen from Catch a Predator.
@VerifiedJayy: My gf said "tie me up and do what you want" so I duct taped her to the headboard and went to the bar
@OhNoSheTwitnt: A coworker just asked me how I stay so thin so I responded "I don't post pictures of my food online" and I think she believed me.