@13spencer: Katy Perry says that god spoke to her before the Super Bowl and said “you got this,” so it’s safe to say that god has crappy taste in music.
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@thatdutchperson: Me: yeah, I'm not going to make it in today. Boss:of course, this snow is crazy. Me: Snow?
@aRealLiveGhost: to someone with x-ray vision two people making out look like skeletons that are really bad at eating each other
@SondraDeeMe: FB post from HS friend on pic: My boyfriend is such a dreamboat! My comment: So was the Titanic.
@flashember: [Zoo, bird show] "Millions of years of evolution have made these ancient raptors into graceful sky gods." *bird headbutts window 50 times*