@weinerdog4life: Keanu Reeves watching a Keanu Reeves movie trying to figure out how he's in two places at once.
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@Merman_Melville: Moby-Dick is cool if you like stopping in the middle of a story about murdering a smart whale to think about all the different kinds of rope
@Cheeseboy22: Sometimes, during the movie previews, I'll turn to the stranger sitting next to me and whisper, "We should really go see that together."
@ShaunRightNow: Hooker says $500. I say $50. She walks away. Later, I'm walking with my wife, same hooker sees me and says, I see what you got for $50.
@PeterClayton6: My testicles are in The Guinness Book of Records. Got a few minutes before the librarian sees me.