@weinerdog4life: Keanu Reeves watching a Keanu Reeves movie trying to figure out how he's in two places at once.
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@MiketheSourcer: Me: I love you. 5 yr: I love you too. Me: I love you more than you’ll ever love me. 5 yr: Okay
@FuckabillyRex: I accidentally started this account when I was looking for a banana bread recipe and things have gone horribly wrong.
@amazymay72x: 13yo: Mom, I need 3 current issues happening in the neighborhood. Me: How abo- 11yo: WEAK WIFI, BUFFERING, BAD DATA PLAN! ..shoot me now.
@TheToddWilliams: [restaurant] ME: Excuse me, this alphabet soup tastes funny WAITER: Well it is Comic Sans