@tourettzgoth: Keep an identical glass of vodka next to the water on your bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
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@UncleDuke1969: Yes! Great! Bravo! Hurrah! Yippee! Cheers! Hooray! Rah Rah! Woo Hoo! Whoopee! Awesome! - Excerpt from "Fifty Shades of Yay!"
@GloriaFallon123: Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join Tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with
@longwall26: Detective Baby: We got you dead to rights, dirtbag. *suspect puts face in hands* Detective Baby: HE'S ESCAPED
@murrman5: [during dinner on a date] "I'm currently in university" how long is your degree? "normally a year, but I have dial up, so probably 2"