@StevenAmiri: Keep "Christ in "Christopher Lloyd" because without it, he'd be "Opher Lloyd" and that sounds like "overlord." Huh? I'll have a Sprite.
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@Asbo_Unicorn: Spelling is very important in cosmetic surgery no one wants buttocks injected into their face
@dulcetry: [me, to my brother] I can't believe we've never been to Coachella [my Ukrainian grandfather] when I your age, bear eat my wife
@FinallyHeSleeps: Somehow my beach-bod went to a dad-bod and unfortunately now it's more of a beached-dad-bod.
@ConanOBrien: This summer, camp counselors all over the country will shine flashlights under their chins and read the headlines.