@howe007: Keep ignoring my texts and I swear to God I’ll leave a voicemail.
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@FloodyHippie: A zombie jumped out at me, in a haunted house, but he didn't scare me. He did, however, catch my elbow in his face.
@rickolantern: I wish there was something called the pizza/enchilada/beer diet where you lost weight. Cause I'm on it and that's not what's happening.
@AimeeHelene1: Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I'll be telling everyone it's from having sex while skydiving.