@LADaddy: Keep in mind that "The Cat in the Hat" is a lesson to your kids on how to throw a house party when you're gone...
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@gossipgriII: using microsoft word *moves an image 1 mm to the left* all text and images shift. 4 new pages appear. in the distance, sirens.
@1BigMick: When I drop my son off at school I do one arm pushups at the entrance to let the other dads know that's what's up. But they're all at work.
@BuckyIsotope: Kanye West builds a time machine so he can interrupt himself interrupting Taylor Swift.