@junejuly12: Keep microwaving fish in the office and stop wondering why you never get a desk by the windows.
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@AndyAsAdjective: [checks Facebook & sees my 4th grade girlfriend has liked my hot chocolate recipe share] ME: I knew she'd come crawling back to me one day
@david8hughes: [letting my friend hold my newborn baby] Me: careful, don't let it die Friend: dude I have 3 kids of my own Me: sure, 3 we know of
@iwearaonesie: "Oh man, that thing looks irritated" - me, pulling into the airport parking lot and seeing my mother-in-law waiting on the curb