@ElgatoEsmio: Keep reaching for the stars but get a better deodorant.
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@Audenary: DUMBLEDORE: Who's brought evil into Hogwarts? HARRY: I think it's Malfoy, professor! DARK MYSTERIOUS NEW TEACHER: Oh come on
@jamieramone: It's the point of the night where I either keep my drunk friend from making an ass of herself or just tape it for youtube.
@TheMichaelRock: I always bring in a dozen donuts to work the first day after the New Year, just for my coworkers on a diet.
@dafloydsta: [first day working at Viagra] BOSS: We need a new slogan. ME: *sweating* This is really hard. BOSS: You're a goddamn genius, Johnson.