@aveuaskew: Keep salespeople from pestering you by asking what type of saw can cut through bone and sinew the quickest.
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@ewfeez: GENIE: you have found my lamp, so I must grant you four wishes ME: I thought it was three? GENIE: You need four
@Cheeseboy22: My son is petrified of thunder. I told him that is ridiculous, it's the lightning that will kill him.
@david8hughes: [donating blood] "You're looking a little faint. Can I get you a drink?" "No thanks, I've just had like 60 of those strawberry Capri Suns."
@AllieGoertz: I asked my waitress if she thought me eating alone was embarrassing and she said, "I work at Cheesecake Factory"