@usedwigs: Keep slugs out of your garden by building a tiny slug-sized amusement park next to it with slow safe rides.
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@PeachyPixel8: The greatest trick The Devil ever pulled was NOT letting his friends and family know he was good with computers.
@DaddyJew: Judging by this line at Costco it doesn't look like I'll ever see my family again. Sweet.
@ShortSleeveSuit: [speed dating] Her: Nice to meet you Me [on meth]: I HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD THE SITUATION
@shutupmikeginn: Putin: I have returned Russia to its glory days, once again we have launched a dog into space Reporter: when will it return Putin: WHat