@panmidwest: Keep things interesting by delicately sneaking ice cubes into your friends' pockets
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@Illiter8: Only my husband would walk up to my gynecologist in Costco, point at me, give him the two thumbs up while grinning and say, 'Nice one, huh?'
@AlfKilledMyCat: Learning spanish is bloody hard. I wish the english had conquered more of the world, I'm suffering from their laziness
@DanMentos: *passive aggressively turns off Christmas lights when someone stops too long to look at them*
@Goofpoops: Hey!! pssst! Guys who wear camo to bars: There is a reason you're not getting laid...it's because the women can't see you..