@panmidwest: Keep things interesting by delicately sneaking ice cubes into your friends' pockets
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@aneesa_p: Contrary to popular belief, when I call tech support, I don't know what the Indian dude is saying either.
@voldemortsbicep: *in bed* Him: what's your fantasy, baby? Me: Scrooge McDuck but skittles instead of gold Him: No, like sexual Me: Scrooge McDuck but skittl-
@david8hughes: [soldier dying in my arms] Soldier: tell my wife- Me: dude I'm already giving messages for 3 guys. Just wait until she dies & tell yourself
@AlexEllisdon: Was very hungry when I made a wish to the genie I found in a lamp and I had a Freudian slip and now I'm a chicken magnet