@ceejoyner: Keep yelling "dance!" and shooting at my feet, tough guy. I studied tap for 9 years and you're going to look like an idiot.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: You put the wrong date on this. Me: Oh, yeah. The year change always messes me up. Wife: You wrote 1992.
@kelkulus: Pot smokers like to say it's safe because it's natural. Other safe natural things include sunburn, poison ivy, and being eaten by a bear.
@amydillon: [concert] SINGER: How's everyone feeling tonight??? ME: Whooo, kind of stressed, I'm in standoff with my HOA regarding lawn ornamentation!!!
@WilliamAder: First in my neighborhood to cut the grass and now the other husbands are looking at me like I reminded the teacher to assign homework.