Keep yelling "dance!" and shooting at my feet, tough guy. I studied tap for 9 years and you're going to look like an idiot.

@AnitaHelmet: My husband hasn't forgiven me for answering 'Okie dokie artichokie' instead of utilizing the more socially acceptable phrase, "I do."

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@IGotsSmarts: Edgar Allan Poe Because Edgar Allan Got No Job

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@robfee: Sorry pregnant ladies, all of your 3D ultrasounds look like Gollum in an Ikea lampshade.

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@david8hughes: Wife: don't forget to pick the kids up from school Me: it's Saturday, they're both upstairs Wife: it's Wednesday & we have 3 kids

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@Pro_Jones_: Dad: Your grandpa used to cut the grass before he died, but now he's- Son: Dad please don't... Dad: Lawn gone.

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