@Home_Halfway: Keep your coworkers on their feet by beginning your next e-mail with "If you're reading this, I'm already dead."
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@trevso_electric: Just once, I'd like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"
@WiseguyPictures: "I feel like I got off on the wrong foot." - Star of a foot fetish flick criticizing his performance
@RobinMcCauley: A woman started choking in the line at Starbucks- it was so scary but thankfully someone opened another register.