@Home_Halfway: Keep your coworkers on their feet by beginning your next e-mail with "If you're reading this, I'm already dead."
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@WakeVII: Thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 15 min before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a squirrel.
@Reverend_Scott: [landlord walks in apartment] "I told you no pets!" That's a stray gerbil. "And those fish??" ...stray fish. SHOO FISH, SCRAM
@Tbone7219: You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about shit ....?