@Home_Halfway: Keep your coworkers on their feet by beginning your next e-mail with "If you're reading this, I'm already dead."
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@stephenjmolloy: Pilot: "What does this button do?" *intercom turns on* Pilot: "Doesn't do anything. Not sure what any of these buttons do."
@iamspacegirl: ME *sees baby crab in stroller*: He's so cute! I just wanna rip his lil legs off dip em in butter and eat them! MOM CRAB *beaming*: thank u
@1_swarthy_dude: Missing area man described as boringly conventional, was easily found by multiplying height x width.