@PunnyOldMan: Keep your friends close and your enemies in the freezer.
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@Dawn_M_: My doctor said the claw marks on my face are not from a poltergeist but I should stop trying to put roller skates on cats.
@outsidemagazine: Yellowstone visitor upset bears didn’t show (Would like park service to train them):
@EndhooS: [Jack Black's birthday] Oh wow..ANOTHER rock polisher, thanks grandma. "How is Rock School going dear?" It's School of ro- *sigh* nevermind.
@jwoodham: DRAKE: I'll drop the best album of 2016. BEYONCÉ: Nah. DRAKE: The best album of... April? BEYONCÉ: Nah. DRAKE: Please don't do this to me.