@PunnyOldMan: Keep your friends close and your enemies in the freezer.
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@GriffonTaylonYo: Barista: Can I get a name? Me: Free [Later] Barista: I've got a caramel macchiato for Free *fights break out as I smile from the corner*
@canadasandra: When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
@pplwtching: Sober me: It would be convenient to have a urinal in my house. Drunk me: A urinal! *pees in sink*