@Dr_powpow: Keep your friends close and your enemies in the trunk of your car.
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@ewfeez: [Kool-Aid Man breaks thru wall] Oh ya! [breaks 2nd wall] Oh ya! [3rd wall] OHHH YEAAHH! [breaks 4th wall] I've had many, many concussions
@haleysfalling: cop: are you high? me: if i was high could i do this? *vaults over car hood and does 360 no scope* cop: did you just say "asterisk vaults ov
@LurkAtHomeMom: Watch closely as the husband quietly approaches the calm children, riles them up into a frenzy, then slyly escapes to watch football.
@MedikalMiracle: "Hey, long time. Wassup?" should be auto-corrected to "Dude. Can you do me a favor?"