@Dawn_M_: Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track.
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@murrman5: [at funeral] "my phone is vibrating" want me to create a distraction so you can answer it? "no, are you craz- *points at casket* HE BLINKED
@Underchilde: Bring spoiled food to work enough and your coworkers eventually stop eating anything with your name on it.
@KoJo_Sunshine: I have 6 locks on my door. When I leave, I lock 3. So no matter how long somebody tries to pick the locks, they are always locking 3. Suckas