@YWIR: Keep your friends close, your enemies close, aliens not so close, ghosts close, snakes close, skeletons close, everything just in a big pile
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@mickeza1: You have 90,000 followers, follow 92,000, and all you tweet are @s thanking people for following back. Are you raising an army for Mordor?
@Only_Fast_Eddie: People tell me that I have a unique way of lighting up a room. It's called arson and those people are called witnesses.
@badbanana: If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
@Try2StopME: Guys, if you forget your girl's birthday, just look into her eyes and say, "I love you." Then run, because that is not going to help.