@BonaFideIntent: Keep your friends close & your enemies, in your trunk. Unless you're crossing a border. Then don't do that.
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@lisaxy424: When the party host collects everyone's coats and throws them on their bed, I just stay in mine and take a nap among the jackets.
@kimmie_1980: I should start a wine company and name the bottles things like "don't be sad" "he's not worth it" "you deserve better"!
@KizerBillhelm: It's not called "Laura the Explorer" because if a little white girl gets lost in the woods, CNN shows up with the FBI.
@withanewname: "Doc, it's embarrassing, but I don't feel sexy." "Try wearing the wife's panties." "Really?" "Yeah, the red ones with the lace are nice"