@BonaFideIntent: Keep your friends close & your enemies, in your trunk. Unless you're crossing a border. Then don't do that.
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@StrawburyDelite: Apparently, my office doesn't think the women's restroom needs a tampon disposal, so wrapped it up and put it in their suggestion box.
@5hael: My phone autocorrected my name to shark and now I hate my parents for not calling me shark
@Book_Krazy: *Arrives at airport checkin* Me: I've never been to the rainforest. I'm really excited! -Ticket please Me: [Hands her Amazon Gift Card]