@junkyardigan: Keep your friend's clothes in your enemy's toaster.
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@markhoppus: For class, my son had to create his own mythological god. He created Chillux, the god of relaxation, whose house is full of hammocks.
@38percentsure: "I'm half black and I'm trying to decide who I want to have kids with. Do I want them to have every advantage in life, or be able to dance?"
@AndyAsAdjective: 20YR OLD ME: awww yeah! a new car! 30YR OLD ME: aww yeah! a new Xbox 360! 40YR OLD ME: aw yeah! a new shower curtain with a mildew-resistant liner!