@junkyardigan: Keep your friend's clothes in your enemy's toaster.
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@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis angrily returns a cheese grater to the store, "IT DID NOT MAKE THE CHEESE GREATER! IT JUST MADE LOTS OF LITTLE CHEESE" he fumes
@ehchino: "What is your reason for divorce?" She pronounces 'Kansas' like the second part of 'Arkansas'
@Playing_Dad: Coworker: How are you doing this morning? Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you?