@sunexplode: Keep your longtime co-workers guessing and questioning their self-worth by forgetting their names.
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@haleysfalling: I've decided that I'm going to start texting people back. That's it. That's the joke.
@KrunkedRobot: Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station's phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
@Black__Elvis: I was a bit upset that the condom I found in my wallet had expired but at the end of the day I'm just glad my wallet practices safe sex.