@tnylgn: Keeping tic-tacs in your pocket lets people know you're more embarrassed of your breath than you are of sounding like a human maraca
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@mynameisntdave: People who carry their dogs around, You know they can walk, right? Theyre real good at it. It's like one of the top known things about dogs
@SardonicTart: How many times should you try starting your snowblower before you realize it's not going to start? According to my neighbor it's 458 times.
@Reverend_Scott: BOSS: I set up a Suggestion Box. Please don't hesitate to- ME: [staring directly at boss while slowly stuffing cream cheese bagel into box]
@_NTFG_: A News Reporter just described someone as "Healthy as a Bus". Yeah....I don't know either.