@2tickytacky: *keeps applying antiperspirant until he can remember doing both armpits*
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@Zac_Franklin: my default response when someone questions a risky text of mine is "sorry, I was drunk." But now everyone thinks I'm an alcoholic so..shit.
@jdforshort: A random guy held the door & paid for my Cinnabon roll at the truck stop today He doesn't know it, but this is the best date in a long time
@nimble__nick: Dog: [Barks at the mailman] Human: Bad dog. Dog: [Turns to the camera] My human hates bills, yet gets mad when I try to scare the guy off.
@david8hughes: Wife: whats that? Son: I painted a picture of a cat Wife: it's very good Me: if it was very good you wouldn't have needed to ask what it was