@EyeSeeYou619: [keeps slapping empty glass ketchup bottle until the entire cafe is silent]
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@iwearaonesie: *turns TV off* "THEY HAD CAMERAS EVERYWHERE BUT NOBODY SAW THE TOYS WALKING AROUND?!" - me every time I watch Toy Story 3
@TheAlexP: [Reporting live on scene] Weatherman: how much rain are you seeing? Me: Christ Gary, all of it.
@SteveSuckington: "Sorry my phone died" -something I've said 5,326 times but it's never actually happened
@causticbob: I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point. She turned around and found out I was walking her home.