@TeaPainUSA: Kelly Ayotte says "Donald Trump is absolutely a role model for kids." She's right, kids don't pay taxes either.
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@daemonic3: U-HAUL, may I help you? "You have any moving boxes?" No all our boxes stay still "Well you better go- wait what?" Stop calling here, Dad
@JoParkerBear: I am officially lowering my dating standards to include anyone who may have access to a swimming pool. I will learn to love you. Call me.
@UncleDuke1969: Me: I have NO drafts! Wife: *opens window* Me: ... Wife: *opens door* Me: ... Wife: That better? Me: I should have married your sister.
@DepressedDarth: That awkward moment when your stormtrooper army loses a battle to a bunch of teddy bears with sticks and stones.