@Spotzwoj: Kept nodding off at an estate auction and bought a garden gnome for 3 million dollars.
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@E_lok44: [After date, walking her to her door] Her: Thanks. I would invite you in, but I don't want to.
@Cheeseboy22: I'm offended that horses don't put their hooves over their hearts during the National Anthem when they win a gold in equestrian events.
@JermHimselfish: Kids today will never know the horror that would come from seeing a payphone start ringing suddenly in the middle of the night.
@Nahdude83: Give a man a fish & he'll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.