@Spotzwoj: Kept nodding off at an estate auction and bought a garden gnome for 3 million dollars.
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@Midgetspar: I received a basketball in the mail from Amazon. I haven't played basketball in 20 years but apparently drunk me thinks I'm Michael Jordan.
@thestlouisan: A young cephalopod breaks from the school. Swimming mightily, he strives to avoid becoming calamari. He has [looks at camera] squid goals.
@aka_fatman: Therapist: It's been 8 years since the death of your parents. How are you coping? Bruce Wayne: I dress as a bat and beat up strangers now.